Joylight 33 – Effective Listening Part 2: Respect

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Is someone speaks and no one is listening, is it still communication?

Source – affirmyourlife.blogspot

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What is listening?

This is my definition.

Listening is the ability and the willingness to create the mental and emotional space to accurately receive and interpret messages in the communication process.

What’s yours?

“Listening is a positive act: you have to put yourself out to do it.”

-David Hockney

Today we will explore how you can demonstrate respect in your effective listening endeavors.

1. Respect that the speaker in entitled to his/her own opinions.

We are all unique individuals with our different backgrounds, embracing various belief systems.

That is what gives us a vibrant world to live in. Respect that.

2. Their beliefs are important to them

As yours are to you. Being the active listener and allowing others to express their own mind about issues is a very freeing experience.

BE that to someone and chances is that the same due respect will be given back to you.
  

Source – 1.bp.blogspot

3. Have a blank mind

The best way to let others feel heard is when they can see that you are interested and fully committed to listening to what they are saying.

Clear your mind and just listen.

4. No judgement

When someone feels validated because you listen and you have no judgment about what is being said, it creates a trusting and collaborative space.

This gives a better opportunity for the goal of the communication to be achieved.

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I will leave you with this question.

Why were we given two ears and one mouth and not the other way round?

If you have missed out on Part I.

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Thanks for reading.

P.S. Have you downloaded my free life coaching app for you?

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

ON your Joylight! 🙂
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• Need someone to talk to?
• Seek clarity to your thoughts?
• Refocus on your life goals?​​
• Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?

Contact me for a free 30 minutes session.
You are not alone.

The sky is only the beginning.

Email – me@joyleng.com​

​For more information on my background

For Our Children (FOC) initiative

Joylight 13 – Eye Accessing Cues

Model | www.joyleng.com

MUA | https://www.facebook.com/StilettoesRoseMakeUpandPhotography

Photographer | The Mysterious One

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Our minds and bodies have an intimate and interrelated relationship. How we move or position our bodies have a great influence on what we think about and how we think about it.

Eye accessing cues is a great way to try to build rapport with the person you are interacting with. Bear in mind that this is just a general guideline and that individual differences abounds. Still, it is useful information to have especially if you want to build rapport quickly or if it is important that the person feels that you understand what they are saying.

If you are doubtful of the usefulness of eye accessing cues, try this.

Let’s say you are feeling very guilty about something you did, where do you look?

Now, look down at your feet and try to feel very optimistic. Not quite the easiest task to do is it?

Credits – narcicu.blogspot.com

In NLP,  eye accessing cues is probably one of the better known and possibly controversial technique. NLP posits that eye accessing cues will indicate what are the thought processes a person is having and which representational systems have been activated.

Generally for right-handed people:

• Looking up and to their right suggests that they are imagining something visually (e.g. a picture).
• Looking down and to their right suggests that they are connecting with their sensations (physical or emotional).
• Looking horizontally and to their right suggests that they are imagining how something will sound like (e.g. a melody).
• Looking up and to their left suggests that they are recalling something visually (e.g. an image of a friend).
• Looking down and to their left suggests that they are talking to themselves internally, in NLP terms an internal dialogue.
• Looking horizontally and to their left suggests that they are recalling something they heard (e.g. the conversation they overheard in the lift yesterday).

For left handed people, some of it might be laterally reversed.

Don’t believe it. Try it for yourself. Get a friend and start chatting. Observe each other and see how accurate it is for both of you.

It will be fun and you might discover new things about yourself. 🙂

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Thanks for reading.

P.S. Have you downloaded my free life coaching app for you?

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

ON your Joylight! 🙂
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

• Need someone to talk to?
• Seek clarity to your thoughts?
• Refocus on your life goals?​​
• Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?

Contact me for a free 30 minutes session.
You are not alone.

The sky is only the beginning.

Email – me@joyleng.com​

 

​For more information on my background

For Our Children (FOC) initiative

 

Joylight 11: Criterial Equivalence

Model | Joy Leng and Charlotte Lee  

MUA | https://www.facebook.com/StilettoesRoseMakeUpandPhotography

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A criterion is a benchmark for judgment, demonstrating what is crucial to us.

For example, we will use abstract terms such as integrity, honesty, compassion to describe what is meant by a ‘good man.’

• But what exactly does all these terms mean?
• What is integrity to you?
• Is it the same definition for your family or your colleagues?
• Regardless of whether the answer is a yes or no, how do you know?
• How do you qualify it?

To me this is a very heavy topic.

There are many models out there trying to explain the concept and the workings of belief.

In NLP, we try to find out exactly what a concept means to somebody and we try to reflect back his/her subjective interpretation of a it to him/her for better connection and communication.

How can I use this?

Find a partner to do the following exercise.

• Ask him/her what does it mean to be ridiculous.
• What are the behaviours you will relate to it? List a few.
• How are you thinking of? What do you do/say? How other associated feelings do you when you feel ridiculous?
• Now, ask him/her to act out all that has been described for you.
• Your turn. Do the same steps that your partner just did.
• Now take turns to act out what it meant to be ridiculous to the other person.
• Reflect on the two play acting you had to do. The first to demonstrate your version of feeling ridiculous and then to demonstrate your partner’s version.
• How was same/different? To what degree? How did you feel especially when you had to act out someone else’s version of feeling ridiculous?

 REFLECTIONS

I think this should be a very enlightening exercise although it might feel very uncomfortable.

What I like about this exercise is that it can help highlight how very different and unique we are.

And we should never take for granted that a closed one will/should understand what we say or how we feel.

At the same time, we should also remember that it is impossible for someone to feel exactly how you feel and to completely comprehend every aspect of what you are going through even if they try their hardest.

Because they are not you.

You are uniquely you.

Thanks for reading. 🙂

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Have you downloaded my free life coaching app for you?

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

ON your Joylight! 🙂
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

• Need someone to talk to?
• Seek clarity to your thoughts?
• Refocus on your life goals?​​
• Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?

Contact me for a free 30 minutes session.
You are not alone.

The sky is only the beginning.

Email – me@joyleng.com​

 

​For more information on my background

For Our Children (FOC) initiative

 

Joylight 6 – Chunking

Credits: http://ucslsmaths

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Chunking is a technical term from the computer industry. It refers to organizing information into general or more specific group.

A group has ‘chunks’ of information with a common theme.

This helps us to organize our thinking and retain more information.

• Think of how you remember telephone numbers?
• Do you group them into groups of two or threes?

There are basically three ways that we can do chunking:

• Chunking Up
• Chunking Down
• Chunking Sideways

Today, I will elaborate on chunking up and chunking down for you.

Chunking Up (Specific to general)

It refers to moving from the specific to the general which is called synthesis.

It helps you comprehend how the entirety by observing its components and how they relate to one another.

These are helpful questions to help you to chunk up:

• What is this an example of?
• What is the intention behind this behaviour?
• What is this a part of?
• What is the intention?
• What is the objective?
• What is the situation?

strawberry -> fruit -> food -> nutrient

Chunking Down (General to specific)

That is the process of moving from the general to the specific, which is called analysis. It helps you to comprehend how the parts are connected to the whole.

• What prevents me from achieving this outcome?
• What is an example of this?
• What is a component of this?
• What alternative behaviour can also satisfy this intention?
• What needs to be done?

Vitality -> reduced coughing -> quit smoking

How can it help me?

Me

Self awareness.

Learning about your chunking style will help you understand how you learn.

• Are you a broad view person who likes to chunk up?
• Or are you someone who needs details and like to chunk down?

Interaction with others

• What is the chunking style of the person you are communicating with?
• Are you communicating with his/her preference style?

Tasks

• Sometimes a task can seem especially daunting in the beginning. Chunk it down into manageable parts. Accomplishing the different parts will give you the confidence to complete the task.
• When you get lost with all the millions of details of a task, take a moment and a deep breath. Chunk up to remember ‘why’ you are doing the task. What is your highest intention? Which of your needs are being satisfied when you do these tasks?

I hope that was helpful self discovery for you. 🙂

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Thanks for reading.

P.S. Have you downloaded my free life coaching app for you?

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

ON your Joylight! 🙂
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

• Need someone to talk to?
• Seek clarity to your thoughts?
• Refocus on your life goals?​​
• Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?

Contact me for a free 30 minutes session.
You are not alone.

The sky is only the beginning.

Email – me@joyleng.com​

​For more information on my background

For Our Children (FOC) initiative