Joy’s Insight 2 – Fear’s Prisoner

Model | www.joyleng.com

MUA | https://www.facebook.com/StilettoesRoseMakeUpandPhotography

Outfit | SensUal Wear

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Some people are taken by surprise by my decision to be a life coach. And that would include close friends. And yet to others, it makes complete sense.

I am still getting used to saying ‘I am a life coach.’ It gives me a strange tingling sensation.

With some anxiety at times. But I know it is good for my soul.

‘What is a fear of living? It’s being preeminently afraid of dying. It is not doing what you came here to do, out of timidity and spinelessness.

The antidote is to take full responsibility for yourself – for the time you take up and the space you occupy.

If you don’t know what you’re here to do, then just do some good.’

– Maya Angelou

I have prepared for this moment all my life. And it could have began way earlier. But fear kept me captive. I was always worried that I am not good enough.

Even though I spent 7 years running my lifestyle studio, coaching women in body movement and exotic dance, observing my clients’ progress from fear to empowerment. I completed a life coach certification in 2007. I wrote a coaching program for women and went on to take my Diploma in English to improve my writing prowess.

I also undertook a psychology degree to value add as a life coach. While doing my degree, I went to Aware to be trained as a helpliner.

Still, I felt I was not ready. There was always another course I need to take, another item still not done.

In my mind, I had to be perfect.

Only then, I am ready to be a coach.

‘Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.’

– Salvador Dali

Over the last two years, I met my psychotherapist friend three times to catch up. Each time, the conversation takes a similar turn.

When am I going to get started?

I gave a lot of reasons why the time was not right. By the third time it happened, I was starting to feel embarrassed. Acutely so. There is only so many times you can say the same thing before it starts to sound ridiculous to yourself too.

Bless his heart. He finally nailed me to a corner. Asking me how I wanted to get started and what needs to be done. Then he made sure I nailed the tasks to my diary. He needed commitment from me. To myself.

In that conversation, he was good enough to coach me, to push me to taking action.

As you can see, it worked. 🙂

“Nothing happens until something moves.”

– Albert Einstein

To say that there is no more fear would be a lie. The fears will always be there.

When you demolish one, another might come up. So what?

Momentum has such great power. Once I got started, I was like a bulldozer. There was no stopping me.

Many things were already in my head for so many years. It is actually a relief to let it all out. To accomplish it on the physical realm. Once I got started, I was amazed at how much I already know. And I was excited about how much more I was going to learn.

“If you have the guts to keep making mistakes, your wisdom and intelligence leap forward with huge momentum.”

– Holly Near

I was blessed. I had a single defining episode with a friend who kicked my ass. He helped jumpstart what I have always wanted to do all my life.

When I think back, I have to laugh. It is funny how one will sometimes avoid what you always wanted because of silly concepts in your head about your sense of self.

Don’t be silly like me and waste much precious time.

Find a friend/mentor who can coach you, guide you, kick your ass if he/she have to.

Or be your own cheerleader.

Otherwise, you always have me.

Either way, if there is something like that in your heart, time to get started.

Be kind to yourself today. 🙂

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Thanks for reading.

P.S. Have you downloaded my free life coaching app for you?

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

ON your Joylight! 🙂
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• Need someone to talk to?
• Seek clarity to your thoughts?
• Refocus on your life goals?​​
• Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?

Contact me for a free 30 minutes session.
You are not alone.

The sky is only the beginning.

Email – me@joyleng.com​

 

​For more information on my background

For Our Children (FOC) initiative

 

Joylight 9: Walt Disney Creative Strategy

​Model | Erica

MUA/Photographer | https://www.facebook.com/StilettoesRoseMakeUpandPhotography

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• Think of someone who is always sharing grandiose plans and nothing can ever dampen his hopes.
• Now, think of someone else who is always making comments like ‘get real’, ‘be realistic.’
• Lastly, think of another person who seems to be always finding fault with people or issues.
• Which one do you identity with the most? The first? Second? Or the third?

The good news is that we are all of these, just varying in degrees. And we can use these different sides of ourselves to our advantage. Really! 🙂

When the dreamer, the realist and the critic come together in a structured manner, creative ideas can be transformed into reality, provided that they are given the space to be investigated freely and separately. This process is called the Walt Disney Creative Strategy. Robert Dilts adopted the model and developed it into a NLP technique.

The Dreamer

This is the person who believes all things are possible. He can dream up the most incredulous dreams and have enormous faith that it can be done.

‘Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.’

– Edgar Allan Poe

The Realist

The realist is the one who explores all the options given by the dreamer and decided on the more probable choice. Then he/she will do the necessary research and apply a course of action.

‘I’m a realist, not a sugar coater. I believe in always letting people know what their obstacles are. And at the end of the day, I just want to be respected for my hard work.’

– Tichina Arnold

The Critic

The critic is the one who plays the Devil’s advocate. He/she will point at the areas that needs to be worked on. As negative as it sounds, the critic is an equally important part to the whole creative process. He/she can be a very useful checklist to troubleshoot potential areas before challenges arises.

“I am my own biggest critic. Before anyone else has criticized me, I have already criticized myself.”

– C.Joybell C

*** Note: It is important that the different aspects are strictly doing only what they are supposed to do so there is clear distinction and delegation of tasks. Ensure that there is no overlapping. Imagine asking the critic in you to be the dreamer, it will not be effective.

Checklist

1. Are you too stuck in one of these roles in your life? Consider varying the different sides of you.
2. What would be a likely statement your family members or close friends will say about you?

• ‘He has got his head in the clouds.’
• ‘She’s an ideas person.’
• ‘He is only interested after he sees the plan of action.’
• ‘She is good at the nuts and bolts.’
• ‘All he does is bring me down.’
• ‘She always have a reason why it cannot be done.’

How can I use this strategy?

You can do this by yourself (which might be challenging for some) or you can do this with two other friends/colleagues.

1. Pick the issue/challenge.
2. If you are doing this with others, ensure that everyone is very clear of their roles. Not one should be allowed to speak until the one speaking has made all his/her points.
3. The dreamer has to focus on all the possibilities to achieve/resolve the issue. No judgements. The realist has to analyze which possibilities should be looked into based on their strengths and weaknesses. The critic has to scrutinize what could possibly go wrong.
4. If this is meant to be an experimental/creative exercise, get everyone to switch roles until all have a chance at experiencing the three roles. If you are doing this on your own, you can take turns to play the three sides. Pace yourself. Take a short break if necessary before you play the next role so that you can mentally disconnect with your current role and prepare yourself for the next role.

I know this might sounds a little tedious but I believe that with practice, you can do this quickly in the future and with that, enhance your future outcomes. Also you might be more emphatic in your interactions with others who might be leaning more towards a particular role. Because you have been enlightened! 🙂

More insights on Walt Disney Creative Strategy here.

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Thanks for reading.

P.S. Have you downloaded my free life coaching app for you?

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

ON your Joylight! 🙂
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

• Need someone to talk to?
• Seek clarity to your thoughts?
• Refocus on your life goals?​​
• Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?

Contact me for a free 30 minutes session.
You are not alone.

The sky is only the beginning.

Email – me@joyleng.com​

 

​For more information on my background

For Our Children (FOC) initiative