Model | Annabel
MUA/Photog | https://www.facebook.com/StilettoesRoseMakeUpandPhotography
My brother told me a joke. I laughed to tears. He told me the same joke again and I laughed but not as hard. He kept repeating the joke and I stopped laughing. He said, “If you can’t laugh at the same joke over and over again, why do you keep crying over people who hurt you over and over again?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I did not have a happy childhood. I was adopted. It was as if someone used a stick with burning coal and imprinted that into my soul. All I can remember from my childhood was acute pain. A. Lot. Of. Pain. Alone. It was all intense and emotional. Lots of tears of course. The years were filled with a lot of whys.
Even as an adult, the pain was my constant companion. Sometimes it felt like my only true friend. By then I was very capable of acting like a normal person although I felt far from normal. I was the odd one out. There is something wrong with me.
But all the dancing and modeling training helped. To ‘act’ like all is good and be professional about it. The unorthodox method of therapy I used on myself. It worked only to the extent of deceiving others and myself. But deep down I knew, I was in agony and the tears are always just beneath the surface. But I always smile. Instead.
This was why I was absorbing anything that was motivational. I was a sinking woman grabbing anything within reach, emotionally and spiritually famished. I went on a learning rampage. From Anthony Robbins to Dalai Lama. I didn’t realized till now. Silly as it is, that I was looking for a cure. I was sick in my mind and I had a hole in my soul. I wanted fixing. I was looking for an antidote.
It finally came. From myself. I was the cure I was looking for. CTRT and NLP helped. I had extreme love and belonging needs. I used achievements to satisfy my power needs. So I could pacify myself that at least some of my needs were met. I had freedom needs too that were not satisfied. Because I had forgiveness issues. I was playing the victim. I did not allow myself the freedom to live my life.
I was my own prisoner.
I realized the sickness was my choice. I created that hole. I can now choose to continue sinking in my mud hole or I can cover it up.
I have choices.
Wow.
That’s new information for me. Sure, the adults made the choices they did which changed my life. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s my life. Their actions ended there.
My choice is still here.
Yesterday, today. Every day.
My past did not have to define me. But I was so caught up in the pain I felt was inflicted on me. I stayed in the pain. That was my choice of life. For years. Shocking but I did all that to myself. And pointed fingers at everyone but myself for my pain.
Redemption.
The dangerous thing about awareness is that once you have it, you cannot pretend to be ignorant. Powerful stuff but it demands courage to be responsible. The hurting stops here. Stops now.
I am a free spirit once again.
I free everyone from the blame. And I free myself from the pain. The hole has been covered up with love. I feel overwhelming love from this decision. The love I pretended I didn’t have. Freedom is intoxicating. Especially freedom to live.
I give that to myself. Today.
Stop living in your imaginary pain whatever it is that you think you are suffering from in your life. Sure, people and circumstances can present a situation which you do not perceived as pleasurable or right.
But that does not mean you don’t have choices.
That does not mean that something/someone other than yourself is controlling you.
If it is true, YOU gave up your power.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”
– Alice Walker
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
Thanks for reading.
P.S. Have you downloaded my free life coaching app for you?
Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.
ON your Joylight! 🙂
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Need someone to talk to?
- Seek clarity to your thoughts?
- Refocus on your life goals?
- Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?
You are not alone.
For more information on my background
Joylight ('Recharge, Renew and Remember) 