Empowered Life Coaching App

Greetings from Joylight!

This app has been created to share valuable information to empower you.

And the best part is this, it’s FREE! 🙂

The two main modalities are NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and CTRT (Choice Theory Reality Therapy).

The approach adopted is evidence-based life coaching.

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These information can help you gain insights on

– How and why of your thoughts and behaviours

– How your perception of yourself and others can be altered

– How to get your desired outcomes

– Simple tools to be more effective and efficient in your daily life

– Secret to having more nurturing and connected relationships

– The power of your choices and by extension, their consequences ….

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ON your Joylight.

Download it today! 🙂

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

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• Need someone to talk to?
• Seek clarity to your thoughts?
• Refocus on your life goals?​​
• Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?

Contact me for a free 30 minutes session.
You are not alone.

The sky is only the beginning.

Email – me(at)joyleng.com​

​For more information on my background

For Our Children (FOC) initiative

Joy’s Insights 9 – Be stronger than the world

During my summer trip to Vienna this year, I had the chance to go to my first opera in Wiener Staatsoper. The play was The Tempest by Shakespeare. It was meaningful for me because I studied this play for my Diploma in English with UOL. I remembered how it tortured me. Seeing it in opera format would definitely give me a new perspective. Indeed, it did.

During the play, I was struck by how much external control psychology (ECP) was going on. The whole play was bleeding it everywhere. Prospero (the main protagonist) was revengeful and hurt. He still held on to so much pain and wanted to use his power to have his revenge for the usurpation of his dukedom. What was most fascinating for me was not the play. It was my own perspective. I was utterly amazed at how much it has evolved. It was as if like a different person was viewing the play. I recall feeling very sympathetic towards Prospero and agreeing with all his actions. But the Joy now asks, ‘What could be a better way to deal with the pain?’

I was acutely aware that all his lines were about what others did to him, how much he suffered and how much they demand the punishment that he is bestowing on them now. Does bringing pain to others really help to alleviate your own pain? I suspect that it might not be a foolproof plan. More often than not, I think you end up inflicting more pain on yourself as a result of your own choice. As I think through all the plays I had to study in those years, I recognized that a common thread screams loud and clear. Revenge, violence, tragedy. In short, it’s an ECP galore. Given that plays were one of the main form of entertainment in those times. And even then soap operas remains a hot favourite form of amusement for many cultures, it is no wonder that we are so so deeply entrenched in ECP.

To raise above it all demands that you be a better you.

It demands commitment and discipline.

It demands time and awareness.

It demands that you be stronger than the world.

And clearly, this is no task for the faint-hearted.

But if not you, who? If not now, when?

I feel a better appreciation of myself and all who practise Choice Theory because it is not an easy feat to choose to embrace Choice Theory as a way of life.

Neither is it easy to choose again everyday, that today, I will choose Choice Theory.

Challenging as it may be, there are indeed such brave souls around us who is making that choice.

To be stronger than the world.

What about you?

In a world whose stronghold is ECP, where do you stand?

What is your choice?

Thanks for reading.

Be kind to yourself. 🙂

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Have you downloaded my free life coaching app for you? 

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

ON your Joylight! 🙂

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Need someone to talk to? Seek clarity to your thoughts? Refocus on your life goals?​

​ Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?

Contact me for a free 30 minutes session. You are not alone.

Email – me@joyleng.com​

For more information on my background

For Our Children (FOC) initiative

Joylight 26 – The Ten Axioms of Choice Theory

The Ten Axioms of Choice Theory

1. The only person whose behavior we can control is our own.
2. All we can give another person is information.
3. All long-lasting psychological problems are relationship problems.
4. The problem relationship is always part of our present life.
5. What happened in the past has everything to do with what we are today, but we can only satisfy our basic needs right now and plan to continue satisfying them in the future.
6. We can only satisfy our needs by satisfying the pictures in our Quality World.
7. All we do is behave.
8. All behavior is Total Behavior and is made up of four components: acting, thinking, feeling and physiology.
9. All Total Behavior is chosen, but we only have direct control over the acting and thinking components. We can only control our feeling and physiology indirectly through how we choose to act and think.
10. All Total Behavior is designated by verbs and named by the part that is the most recognizable.

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Here’s to your elevation!

Thanks for reading.

Your Transformational Coach,

Joy Leng

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“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.

She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

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P.S. Have you downloaded your FREE​

• ​My Life Enquiry questionnaire
  
• Let’s Step! Goal Setting Program​
• life coaching app

​Ready to serve if you

• Desire momentum and accountability to achieve your life goals.
• Want to take advantage of DiSC personality profiling to understand your/your team’s strengths and to maximize productivity and harmony.
• Are looking for an inspiring speaker sharing truths from real life experience.

Book a FREE 20 minutes Skype session at me (at) joyleng.com​ for

• Yourself or
• For someone you feel who is in need of an empowerment coach.

​ 10% of my net profit goes to support ​For Our Children (FOC).​

 

Joylight 25 – Quality World

Source – thebetterplan

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Soon after birth, we will slowly start to accumulate pictures in our head of what we want in our lives. Dr. William Glasser, the creator of Choice Theory calls those pictures Quality World. He defined it as a “personal picture album” of all the people, things, ideas, and ideals that we have discovered increase the quality of our lives. Sometimes it is also called the “All-We-Want-World”

While we are all born with the same Basic Needs, how we go about achieving them varies from individual to individual. The pictures in our Quality World tells of how we go about to achieve our Basic Needs. Hence, these are the specific motivations in our life.

As we live our lives, we continue to create and recreate the pictures in our Quality World.

It consists of

1. Your evolving ideal self,
2. People we most want to be with,
3. Things we most want to own or experience and
4. Ideas or systems of belief that govern much of our experience.

When we satisfy a picture in our quality world, e.g. graduate with the honours degree, joy will be experienced. Conversely if we fail to satisfy the picture in our quality world. e.g. a failed marriage, pain will be experienced.

Characteristics of Quality World:

1. Fulfills one or more of our Basic Human Needs
2. Specific
3. Diverse
4. May be blurred
5. Unique to each
6. Often in conflict with each other
7. According to priority
8. Vary in levels of intensity
9. Vary in levels of attainability
10. Realistic at times, unrealistic at others)

YOUR QUALITY WORLD

• How do you define quality?
• What is in your quality world?
• Who is in your quality world?
• What kind of experiences do you want to have in your life?
• What do you want to have/own?
• What kind of beliefs do you live by?
• When you think of your quality world, what kind of pictures pop into your head?

Time to start working towards the pictures in your quality world. 🙂

Here’s to your elevation!

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Thanks for reading.

Your Transformational Coach,

Joy Leng

​~~~~~~~​

“I met Joy and was immediately struck by her vibrant energy.

She is a compassionate person with a quick mind, and I found her coaching to be skillful and intuitive.

If you ever need coaching, I would recommend you see her: not only will she help sort you out, she will be your cheerleader every step of the way!”
– Rimi Yoshida

​~~~~~~~~​

P.S. Have you downloaded your FREE​

• ​My Life Enquiry questionnaire
  
• Let’s Step! Goal Setting Program​
• life coaching app

​Ready to serve if you

• Desire momentum and accountability to achieve your life goals.
• Want to take advantage of DiSC personality profiling to understand your/your team’s strengths and to maximize productivity and harmony.
• Are looking for an inspiring speaker sharing truths from real life experience.

Book a FREE 20 minutes Skype session at me (at) joyleng.com​ for

• Yourself or
• For someone you feel who is in need of an empowerment coach.

​ 10% of my net profit goes to support ​For Our Children (FOC).​

 

Joylight 22 – External Control Psychology

Credit – Dimax

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• The phone rings. What is your response?
• The traffic light turns green. What is your response?
  
• He scolded you. What is your response?
  
• She took over your job. What is your response?
  

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Dr William Glasser created Choice Theory to counter what he defined as the external control psychology that dominates much of humanity’s mentality and behaviour. It is also commonly known as external locus of control. He felt that the only real way for humanity to have a chance of survival was to have a new psychology.

External Control Psychology consists of three main beliefs:

1. The belief that something outside of ourselves is the cause of our behaviours.

2. The belief that if we can manipulate things well enough, we can control others to do what we want.

E.g. If I ground you for the weekend, you will stop coming home late.

3. The belief that we know what is right for other people and morally, it is our duty to control others to do what we ‘believe’ is what they ‘should’ do.

E.g. I am scolding you because you must know that that is wrong of you to do that.

Belief #1 is derived from the belief that humans are no different from animals. We react to stimulus just like the dogs in Ivan Pavlov’s famous experiment. Choice Theory begs to differ. We can choose our response after getting information from the environment. That is for me, the singularly most powerful attraction of Choice Theory for me. It is so beautiful in its simplicity.

We forget that we have the freedom to choose. Viktor Frankl calls it the space between stimulus and response.

‘Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.’

– Viktor Frankl

We might not be able to control the situation that occurs but we can choose not to have a response that will not serve our highest good. We are not helpless puppets that have to move whichever directions as instructed. We have choices.

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“It’s not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us.”

– Stephen R. Covey

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Beliefs #2 and #3 are destructive to relationships. Belief #2 (The belief that I can make you do something I want you to do even if you do not want to do it) can be seen everywhere.

This belief is the reason why we have detention classes in schools, probation offices for offenders and what we call the tiger mamas in Asia.

Belief #3 is the most destructive of all. It is the belief that I AM RIGHT and I KNOW BETTER. Probably something that mothers can be guilty of. We witnessed the most extreme of it all during Sept 11, 2001, where the terrorists demonstrated to us how much they felt they were doing “the right thing.” This kind of righteousness have caused the most damage and grief in all of the external control behaviours.

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NOW WHAT?
Think of your own behaviour in the past week.

1. Think of an incident where you were operating under one/more of the belief in external control psychology.
2. What would have been a more empowering belief at that point?
3. Embracing that belief, what would you have done/said otherwise?
4. Imagine yourself with the new behaviour, how do you feel now?
5. Imagine being in a similar situation one week from now, what would you do then?

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The phone rings. You can choose to answer it now. Or later. Or text the person instead. Or not respond at all.

The traffic light turns green. You can choose to stay where you are, cross the road, change your direction, get into a cab. Or answer the phone call you missed.

Now that you are getting the hang of it, try the other two.

• He scolded you. What is your response?
  

 

• She took over your job. What is your response?

 

Remember, the only behaviour you can change is your own.

You are not a puppet, so don’t behave like one.

Empower yourself today. 🙂

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Thanks for reading.

P.S. Have you downloaded my free life coaching app for you?

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

ON your Joylight! 🙂
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

• Need someone to talk to?
• Seek clarity to your thoughts?
• Refocus on your life goals?​​
• Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?

Contact me for a FREE 20 minutes Skype session.
You are not alone.

The sky is only the beginning.

Email – me@joyleng.com​

 

​For more information on my background

For Our Children (FOC) initiative

 

Joy’s Insights 4 – Sayonara Pain

Model | Annabel

MUA/Photog | https://www.facebook.com/StilettoesRoseMakeUpandPhotography

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My brother told me a joke. I laughed to tears. He told me the same joke again and I laughed but not as hard. He kept repeating the joke and I stopped laughing. He said, “If you can’t laugh at the same joke over and over again, why do you keep crying over people who hurt you over and over again?”

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I did not have a happy childhood. I was adopted. It was as if someone used a stick with burning coal and imprinted that into my soul. All I can remember from my childhood was acute pain. A. Lot. Of. Pain. Alone. It was all intense and emotional. Lots of tears of course. The years were filled with a lot of whys.

Even as an adult, the pain was my constant companion. Sometimes it felt like my only true friend. By then I was very capable of acting like a normal person although I felt far from normal. I was the odd one out. There is something wrong with me.

But all the dancing and modeling training helped. To ‘act’ like all is good and be professional about it. The unorthodox method of therapy I used on myself. It worked only to the extent of deceiving others and myself. But deep down I knew, I was in agony and the tears are always just beneath the surface. But I always smile. Instead.

This was why I was absorbing anything that was motivational. I was a sinking woman grabbing anything within reach, emotionally and spiritually famished. I went on a learning rampage. From Anthony Robbins to Dalai Lama. I didn’t realized till now. Silly as it is, that I was looking for a cure. I was sick in my mind and I had a hole in my soul. I wanted fixing. I was looking for an antidote.

It finally came. From myself. I was the cure I was looking for. CTRT and NLP helped. I had extreme love and belonging needs. I used achievements to satisfy my power needs. So I could pacify myself that at least some of my needs were met. I had freedom needs too that were not satisfied. Because I had forgiveness issues. I was playing the victim. I did not allow myself the freedom to live my life.

I was my own prisoner.

I realized the sickness was my choice. I created that hole. I can now choose to continue sinking in my mud hole or I can cover it up.

I have choices.

Wow.

That’s new information for me. Sure, the adults made the choices they did which changed my life. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s my life. Their actions ended there.

My choice is still here.

Yesterday, today. Every day.

My past did not have to define me. But I was so caught up in the pain I felt was inflicted on me. I stayed in the pain. That was my choice of life. For years. Shocking but I did all that to myself. And pointed fingers at everyone but myself for my pain.

Redemption.

The dangerous thing about awareness is that once you have it, you cannot pretend to be ignorant. Powerful stuff but it demands courage to be responsible. The hurting stops here. Stops now.

I am a free spirit once again.

I free everyone from the blame. And I free myself from the pain. The hole has been covered up with love. I feel overwhelming love from this decision. The love I pretended I didn’t have. Freedom is intoxicating. Especially freedom to live.

I give that to myself. Today.

Stop living in your imaginary pain whatever it is that you think you are suffering from in your life. Sure, people and circumstances can present a situation which you do not perceived as pleasurable or right.

But that does not mean you don’t have choices.

That does not mean that something/someone other than yourself is controlling you.

If it is true, YOU gave up your power.

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“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”

– Alice Walker

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Who are you blaming for what?

Stop the blame game.

Time to live.

Make your choice.

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“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt  

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Thanks for reading.

P.S. Have you downloaded my free life coaching app for you?

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

ON your Joylight! 🙂

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

• Need someone to talk to?
• Seek clarity to your thoughts?
• Refocus on your life goals?​​
• Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?

Contact me for a free 30 minutes session.
You are not alone.

The sky is only the beginning.

Email – me@joyleng.com​

 

​For more information on my background

For Our Children (FOC) initiative

Joylight 20 – Seven Caring/Connecting Habits (Choice Theory)

The main belief behind Choice Theory is that people are almost always in control of their own behaviour but they ultimately do not possess control of others’ behaviour. Dr William Glasser noticed how people were very reactive in their behaviour and constantly being controlled by what he calls external control psychology. He advocated Choice Theory as a method to replace external control. He believes that until we learn to connect with one another, our days on earth will be numbered.

Choice Theory promotes the adoption of seven caring/connecting habits that we can use to connect and care for people around us.

Very simple concept but it is the commitment to the seven caring/connecting habits that will make the difference.

SEVEN CARING / CONNECTING HABITS

1. Supporting

2. Encouraging

3. Listening

The importance of listening.

4. Accepting

Tracey

5. Trusting

6. Respecting

7. Negotiating Differences

Exercise

1. Pick any two or three of the caring habits for the exercise.
2. Reflect back on your past week.
3. Which instances can you think of where you could have used each of the caring habits you have selected instead of your original reaction? Write it down.
4. Now rephrase what you would have said, or what you could have thought. Write it out.
5. Now, act it out. Try saying the new lines you have wrote or think the new thoughts that you have written out.
6. Try it again. This time engage all your senses and mean what you say.
7. Take three deep breaths slowly.
8. For the final time, act it out with all your senses with sincerity.
9. How did you feel? What has changed?
10. One week from now, a similar incident happens. How would you respond? Act it out.
11. Are you going to try? Or are you committed to this new response (thoughts, behaviour, speech)?

Thank you for being a better you. 🙂

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Model | www.facebook.com/lustforlifejoyleng​

MUA | https://www.facebook.com/StilettoesRoseMakeUpandPhotography

Photographer |

​(Name)

Outfit | SensUal Wear

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Thanks for reading.

P.S. Have you downloaded my free life coaching app for you?

Please rate it if you can. Much thanks.

ON your Joylight! 🙂
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

• Need someone to talk to?
• Seek clarity to your thoughts?
• Refocus on your life goals?​​
• Or to resolve a challenging issue in your life?

Contact me for a free 30 minutes session.
You are not alone.

The sky is only the beginning.

Email – me@joyleng.com​

 

​For more information on my background https://joythemodel.wordpress.com/2015/04/08/joys-story/

For Our Children (FOC) initiative